


don't tell me this is home

by Nyxierose



Series: (would you want me) standing in the same light [4]
Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization, Hostage Situations, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 12:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: "She focuses instead on the echoes of moments and all the things she'd sacrifice to be held for thirty seconds and told that she is safe."Or, how Lucy distracts herself enough to stay alive during her little attempted-brainwashing-by-her-mother situation.





	don't tell me this is home

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Make A Shadow" by Meg Myers.
> 
> I wanna say this is gonna be the last angsty part of _same light_ (at least for a while), but we'll seeeee.

She's not sure how long she's been stuck in this… well, she's assuming it's a hotel room, but there are a lot of unanswered questions right now and Lucy has decided that giving up is easier than driving herself insane. If she does not know, she does not know, and she will make herself accept this.

What she does know is this - she's pureblood on both sides, her mother is probably evil, she herself is a hostage and will soon be forced to do terrible things, and every person she cares about is dead.

No. Every person she cares about except for one.

She might as well admit it to herself, now that she realizes fucking up _that_ situation was probably the last voluntary thing she'll ever do. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees his face and wishes she'd had two damn minutes to explain that she was genuinely innocent. She did not know. She would've made different choices if she had. But circumstances as they were, well…

As it is, Lucy tells herself, at least there's one person out there who's on her side. Trapped in some black-site hellhole, yes, but still in better shape than anyone else who's ever fought for her.

And she'll blame her mental wanderings on that detail, on not having anything else to think about - hell, on that entire relationship being something her mother doesn't know about. No one does. No one ever will. She will keep it that way, locked up in the safest part of her heart for as long as it takes. Probably forever.

She knows, as she paces across the windowless room, that she will never get any further closure. Intentional or not, she still betrayed the man she loves. There's no coming back from that.

But on the other hand, whatever lies there is mutual. Maybe even after her disaster. Hopefully.

If there's a life out there for either of them, if there is any freedom ahead, she will find a way to make things right. She's not sure _how_ , but she'll do it. She'll make herself bleed pretty if that's what it takes, she doesn't care, there is _nothing_ that would be too much if it worked.

So in the hell of the blank room, roughly midway through her captivity (though she doesn't know the timeframe yet), Lucy begins to plan what she's going to do once she gets the hell out.

She is not, under any circumstances, planning a rescue mission. Fuck no. Getting shot by one of several hundred guards with guns fancier than anything she's ever seen is _not_ on her to-do list. So, how her partner gets to see daylight again is not her problem. He'll find a way, she trusts that, but she will leave that set of details open-ended because it will not involve her in any form.

(She dares not even think his name right now, focuses instead on the echoes of moments and all the things she'd sacrifice to be held for thirty seconds and told that she is safe.)

But somehow, she tells herself, somehow they will find each other. Not _soon_ , she knows. Maybe ten years from now, in some dodgy hotel bar in a city where neither of them speak the local language. That would be cliché enough. They'll both be on the run for the rest of their lives, so it's certainly plausible, and ten years might be a bit longer lifespan than makes actual sense but she doesn't care. It's her damn daydream, she'll do what she wants.

She can't imagine their reunion is going to be delicate. She doesn't deserve that, and honestly the idea of being pinned down and ever-so-slightly used is really lovely right now. Not her usual style, but she deserves it. Bruises and scratches, all the things she usually hates, she would be okay with in that context.

(She knows better than to actually do anything about the warmth in her core, not with three cameras she can see and who knows how many she can't, but her mind is still hers even if her body is not and she will envision whatever she wants.)

The aftermath would be better, once the dust settled and their bodies stilled. That's the part of the daydream she puts on repeat, the idea of lying naked on a shitty mattress somewhere and curling her body around her lover's and feeling, for the first time in her life, like nothing can hurt her anymore. He'd play with her hair and there would be no need for words, and _that_ is what she wants most right now.

One day at a time, Lucy reminds herself. Someday, she will get all of those wants. She will do everything she can to make it happen.

But first, she needs to survive long enough to run.


End file.
